jewish christmas is for everyone

let me be the first to invite all my jewish friends to start celebrating christmas. i know what you’re thinking, “christmas, why would i wanna celebrate christmas? i’m jewish, we killed jesus, i’m not celebrating his birth! fuck that dude!” well lemmee tell you, it’s no longer the religious holiday it once was, now it’s just a secular gift orgy, and before all this jesus mumbo jumbo, it was on some pagan shit, notice it falls right around the solstice? coincidence? i think not. hell, i don’t even believe jesus ever existed and i celebrate that shit. the bottom line is, christmas is for everyone!
the other bottom line is, this hanukkah charade has gone on long enough. come on yall, give it up. thanks to wikipedia, we all know that in the whole scheme of jewish holidays, hanukkah is a bullshit ass holiday, it’s not even a high holiday, it’s on par with, the new year of the trees and the festival of lots. if it didn’t fall around the same time as christmas motherfuckers wouldn’t even be celebrating it. i know you want your children to be able to celebrate some shit and not feel left out but you’re coming off like the kid who brings his neighbor into school on bring your dad to work day. it’s a little pathetic. see, that’s the beauty of different religions, they have different rituals and different holidays. you’re not always gonna get to have the same celebrations, but trying to pawn off some bullshit second tier holiday as something special smacks of desperation. i was at the grocery store the other day and saw they had menorah shaped cookies for sale. i said, “you gotta be kidding me, this is getting ridiculous.” put the dreidel down, hang up a stocking and come gather around the christmas tree, another pagan symbol mind you, you’re welcome, you’re all welcome!!!! christmas is for everyone, even the hindus!!
sure, i could keep on pretending and wish you a happy hanukkah when i see you, but that would just be patronizing, wouldn’t it?