so I’m on the plane to atl a few weeks back and I’m trying to be a gentleman so I help this young Indian chick put her bag in the overhead bin. I get it up there but the bags kind of enormous and part of her shit is sticking out. I leave it, because there’s a gang of people behind us and I don’t wanna hold things up. well one of the flight attendants gets on the mike and starts riffing, “whoever has their bag up above 15A needs to fix it now or we will be checking it, I repeat 15 alpha needs to fix their bag, the black bag. we will check your bag if you do not fix it immediately.” this motherfuckers barking like there’s a bomb in that bitch.
the problem is, there’s a gang of people coming down the aisle, so it’s hard to walk up the aisle and fix the bag, so the little Hindu chick hollers at another flight attendant about checking her bag, she’ll pick it up at the terminal, no biggy. meanwhile this red-faced middle aged cunt of a woman is sitting across the aisle from me starts talking a gang of shit, she’s got her husband riding bitch with a lap dog under his seat. she’s saying how it’s bullshit that the Indian chick gets to check her bag without having to pay the 20 dollar fee like everybody else, like she’s lieutenant luggage or some-shit. fuck her. if there’s one thing I hate, it’s motherfucking couples who fly together and the big one sits in the middle. if you’re flying with your girl put her in the middle, it makes more sense. otherwise you’re just being a dick to the other passengers. this motherfucker was big as shit all squeezed in the middle seat with a fucking lap dog while his cunt wife sat there holding court about some shit that didn’t concern her.
it finally clears up, the red faced bitch is still mumbling shit about the fucking bag and the male flight attendant who was talking all tough on the intercom comes down, rearranges the bags and gets shit to fit. problem solved. not quite. this dude starts talking all slick to the Indian chick about how she needs to learn how to put up bags.
I hop in and say, “she didn’t do it, I did.”
he tells me I need to learn how to put luggage in the bin.
I tell him, “that’s your job. you’re the flight attendant.”
he walks away all agro and shit. I’m pissed. now I’m just talking, I’m like, “what the fuck is his problem talking to me like I’m a fucking 5th grader and shit. like I’m a child. he’s the fucking stewardess, he needs to know how to stack bags, not me, talking to me like I’m a fucking gerbil, he must be out his mind.”
the Hindu ain’t saying shit, she’s spooked. poor girl was willing to check her bag, now she’s got two dudes arguing over it. so I turn to this other lady I had met before the flight she’s sitting behind the red faced cunt. she’s looking at me in amazement. I say, “can you believe this shit?”
the red face lady thinks I’m talking to her and announces for the whole cabin, “Don’t look at me, my brothers a pilot, so I’m on their side.”
I said, “I wasn’t looking at you, I’m talking to the woman behind you. mind your business.”
she shuts up.
now I’m sitting here steaming, thinking to myself this bitch has got a lot of nerve, so I say, “damn we’re not even off the ground and you’re claiming your brother’s a pilot. you couldn’t wait to tell people that huh? congratulations, your brother’s a pilot. that don’t mean shit. if you’re brother’s a pilot why you back here wit us? how come you’re not sitting in first class?”
she don’t say shit. she gets on her phone and tries to call her brother, to banish me from United, I imagine. her husband’s pissed, he leans over and tries to stare me down, be intimidating, but we’re on a plane and he’s riding bitch with a corgi between his legs.
get a load of this fruitcake, irene villar, she’s addicted to abortions! how come i can never find a girl like that? she had 15 abortions in 16 years, that’s damn near a one dead baby a year average! fuck, that’s impressive! and she’s latina to boot! look at her just defying stereotypes! after the 10th abortion, you think her husband woulda just pulled out and finished on her back, but he just kept going, he took a look into those big brown eyes and just busted inside of her. i think more women should follow her lead and keep havin abortions! i know a lot of people are gonna get all bent out of shape at this lady for being crazy, fuck those people, they’re a bunch of right-wing christian idiots. to be quite honest with you, i get more upset with these families that choose to have 10 kids on purpose, than i do with the abortion chick. all she’s doing is fucking up her own uterus and doing her little thing to keep the population down. these big families are just polluting the world with themselves, what a bunch of selfish dicks.
the end
L Boogie loves U
i was type type typing away on my ol’ computey last night when
i heard voices from afar. i recognized these voices, they were the
voices of my neighbors. i hate my neighbors. they’re fucking assholes.
they’re this interracial couple in their 40’s, i think they’re
jehovah’s witness or 7th day evangelists or some repressed christian religion or other. the woman’s tall and skinny with dark hair and sharp features. i hate that in a woman, it’s like fucking jeff goldbloom. the guy looks like barack obama but more like hes 10 years older and dressed like the 70’s barack. every time i see him
he’s washing his piece of shit, poop brown, drop top Chrysler. the
back window’s torn out and it takes everything in me not to piss in the
back of his car each and every day. they’ve been to my house on two
separate occasions, to yell at me and tell me to keep the noise down,
they even told on us to our land lord. i don’t do well with snitches
and i’m not good at being yelled at in my own house, where i pay rent, so now i hate them, simple as that.
today i got to hear them argue, check that, i got to hear the
white lady dog the fuck out of her dude while doing the dishes. this
tickled me to death. she was saying shit like, “No Tyrone.” he had
some real stereotypical black name like tyrone or leon or some shit
like that. she’d be like, “No Tyrone! What are you
doing? What are you doing? That’s not how you dry a dish! Just put it
back, just put it back, I’ll do it! Jeez!”
i’d hear him mumble some apology and cop a plea. then i’d hear her
say, “Jesus Christ Tyrone what is your problem!? Can’t you do anything
right? What are you stupid?….” and continue talking to him like he was a gerbil. this made me laugh.
Coming from a somewhat macho background, being dogged by your girl is
utterly unacceptable. if she yells at you, you better handle that. if
she lays hands on you, you better shake the shit out of her. if you sit
there and take it? that makes you less of a man, flat out. hey, i didn’t make the rules, i was just conditioned by them. and the fact that it’s a
white chick dogging a black guy, is icing on the cake.
as a black man you can’t let a white girl dog you. there’s too much history going on here, jim crowe, separate but equal, lynchings and what have you, to allow your white girlfriend to just dog you? hahahahaa! not cool. i know it sounds racial. it is. but that’s just the way things are.
my old friend jamaal used to get punked on by his girl melonie, white chick, evil as fuck, conniving bitch. this the type of bitch she is. she was staying at my house and owed me rent money, so instead of paying it, she called the police and came to my crib when no one was there and they escorted her in to get her shit and bailed. i didn’t see her after that. fuck you, catch AIDS bitch. anyway, she used to punk jamaal out something serious. one time she had gave him 60 bucks to go buy a suit for homecoming. he was supposed to run up to JW and get one of those cheap polyester jump offs. he never did. he ended up buying a half ounce of some mexican brick weed and smoking that. she comes to the house to see the suit. he opens up the door with a blunt in his hand, smoking the suit.
she says, “Jamaal where’s your suit?”
he says, “I don’t know.”
she says, “Jamaal where’s my money then?”
he says, “I don’t know.”
she sees the blunt, puts two and two together and proceeds to beat the shit out of him, smacking, scratching, clawing, and punching. he’s screaming and hollering for her to get off him. she’s chasing him around the parking lot, fucking him up the whole way. we’re all outside dying, watching Jamaal take a beating. about 5 minutes pass she finally gets tired of whooping his ass and goes to leave, but she slips and falls getting back in the car and we fall out laughing again. now she’s really pissed that she fell and that we’re laughing, so she gets out the car and proceeds to beat the shit out of him some more.
jamaal might as well have got caught sucking dick for sneakers. he never was the same again. we let him have it whenever we felt like it. he’d start talking shit and somebody’d say, “that’s why you let a white girl beat your ass!” and then he’d shut the fuck up. i stopped fucking with him after that, he was getting beat by his girl and displaying crackhead tendencies, but i heard that she kept beating him. a tear later, he finally got fed up from all the ass whoppings and hits her back. and you know what she did? she being the fucked up cunt of woman that she is, called the police and got him arrested. Melonie ends up getting pregnant by this sick fuck named aaron who used to rape his retarded sister back in the day, while jamaal was locked up. then when jamaal came out she put the baby on his ass and he claimed it, name on the birth certifacate and everything. this further cementing jamaal’s bitchassedness. what’s sad is he used to be my homie and he got exposed by a crazy ass white girl.
when i see my neighbor tyrone or leon or whatever the fuck his mom named him, i’m gonna ask him about his wife. i’m gonna tell him i heard him getting abused by her, then i’m gonna smile and leave it at that. hahaaaa what a chump. handle your girl.
